Would you like to start therapy but don’t know where to begin? Unsure of how to choose the right therapist for you? Maybe you’ve sought recommendations, done your own research online, and still lack a clear picture of what should happen in therapy?
Having worked with numerous therapists of diverse backgrounds and approaches, I aim to simplify your journey and bring clarity to understanding whether the service you’re receiving is ethical and focused on your well-being.
So, how do you know if what you’re offered is an ethical and secure practice?
Firstly, you won’t be certain if the chosen therapist is right for you until you start working with them. Approach the experience with openness, keeping your curiosity alive, as the first session is used to get to know each other and determine compatibility for working together. You have the freedom to choose.
The first session involves essential contract discussions. Ensure you understand what is communicated by asking questions, actively participating in negotiations, and confirming any uncertainties about confidentiality, the therapist’s qualifications, and the therapeutic relationship.
The introductory/contractual part should inform you about:
- Whether the therapist is a member of any ethical body/recognized association – crucial for the safety of the therapeutic process for both you and the therapist.
- Confidentiality and its limits – how it is ensured and situations that may necessitate breaking this understanding.
- The therapist’s professional training and their approach.
- Duration of therapy sessions, re-scheduling policy.
- If you’ve opted for online sessions, the therapist should ensure they are in a confidential space, alone, without others who might overhear what you share (this will also be your responsibility – ensure these conditions are met for your comfort). You should also agree on how to reconnect in case of internet disruptions.
- Clear session costs and payment rules.
In the first session, the therapist will try to learn as much as possible about you, what brought you to therapy, what isn’t working in your life, and what you’d like to resolve. They ensure your expectations are realistic, being honest and open about what they can offer. Questions about your relational past (childhood, family, friends, etc.) and professional background will be asked.
Some of the Therapist’s “obligations”:
- Green flags: Treats you with respect, provides a warm and non-judgmental space, validates and challenges you, respects the terms and limits of the contract, refers you to another specialist if they feel your issue goes beyond their proficiency.
- Red flags: Talks about themselves excessively, continuously gives unsolicited advice without checking if you agree, keeps you in therapy for their benefit even if you no longer benefit. Violates the terms discussed in the contract/introduction.
Some of the Client’s “obligations”:
- Take responsibility for arriving on time for sessions and paying as agreed – in other words, do your best to uphold your part of the agreement.
- If your narrative is lengthy with many stories about everything and everyone, even in the third or fourth session, it’s not a process – it’s pass time. It’s a defense/avoidance mechanism to connect with negative emotions. A good therapist will validate your story initially, redirecting you to your feelings and you. However, if you insist on the story, it will provoke this pattern.
- Tips: Allow time to build the relationship, to build trust – without underestimating your defenses.
If you still feel you can’t trust the therapist you’ve been working with, even after giving it some time, if you don’t feel heard, if you feel judged, and unsolicited advice is consistently given, bring this up with your therapist. If you don’t feel confident enough for a direct confrontation, end the relationship and seek someone else you resonate with.
After about 6-8 sessions, review everything you’ve worked on together, and if necessary, renegotiate goals if they have changed. When you feel the desired change has occurred, and it’s time to end the process, ensure you allocate time for a final session dedicated to closure – especially if you’ve experienced unfinished business in life (and who hasn’t?).
Remember – therapy doesn’t necessarily make you feel better immediately. It stirs things up, brings relational patterns, buried emotions, old psychological games, defenses, and unrecognized emotional history to the surface. Before you feel better and have more confidence in yourself, you may feel a bit worse. This means the process is working. If you leave every session feeling calm – ask yourself what you’re avoiding, what isn’t happening in therapy?
You are the expert in your own life, no one else. The therapeutic relationship is a 50-50 collaboration. The therapist brings their contribution, and you must bring yours. This ensures the success of the therapeutic process. Get involved. Your level of engagement in the process will significantly influence the outcome of therapy.
I’m curious to hear about your therapeutic experience. If you feel comfortable, leave a comment below.
Your sincerely,
Mariana